So Much to Say, So Little Time

Hello. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's just that my internet was shut off due to the brokeness and I haven't had access to a computer until tonight. I still love you. I'm still here, I will try to concisly sum up the last week including all the Olympicness. Oh wow, where do I start?

Here are all the things I've wanted to share with you in little blurbs, I've got a bottle of chardonnay flowing through my veins right now, so excuse me if things seem scattered...

-First, I retract everything I said about ice dancing! What beautiful and hilarious drama!! Here were the key highlights...

1) The Italian team. OMG. They were hilarious. First they were a darkhorse leader, then on the second night the guy drops her so she doesn't speak to him for 24 hours and then they skate the final program while still in the midst of a huge fight, and then they do well and she loves him again. PMS. I loved it.

2) EVERYONE FELL. That was brilliant. On the second night, for some reason, everyone fell down. The only sad one was the Canadians where she was seriously injured and they had to drop out. The rest were hilarious.

3) The costumes!!!!! One girl wore tassles on her hoohas! And another girl was dressed as Eponine from Les Mes and wore a dirty headband that slipped over her eyes part way through. Genius.

4)The music!!! Ice dancing they are allowed to have lyrics, so we saw icy Les Mes, Icy Phantom of the Opera, and Icy Prince of Egypt. I lol-ed often and with gusto.

5) Dick Buttons. This man is my new hero. He says things like, "Well if you're going to sing the national anthem you've got to do it like Whitney Houston and not Roseanne Barr, and this team was Roseanne Barr" and "that looked really ugly" he is like Fred Willard's character from Best in Show, and I love him deeply for it.

-Now, the Women's Program

1) I tried to give Sasha Cohen a lick of respect after nailing the short program in a pretty costume, I thought to myself, "Self, this is it, you've got to be on her side because otherwise it's all abou tthat Russian Slutskaya ("The Slut" as we called her) and I'm USA-Is-A-OK-All-The-Way, so I tried, really. But as she took the ice tonight I turned to Erik and said, "She's gonna bail, I can feel it." And so she did, twice. And somehow still won silver. And the Slut won bronze. And the awesome girl from Japan took gold. Thanks again America. And to reaffirm my hate for the Sasha, she collided with someone again during warmups and she also said, "Hi everyone, hello to everyone back home, I can't remember your names but I love you" during the kiss and cry and then, she didn't think I was watching but I was, she totally left her dirty kleenex sitting on the bench for someone else to pick up after her. ICE PRINCESS. I granted my friend Eddie permission to be in love with her tonight, I take it back, she's a beyotch.

2) It's cool that they are allowing pants this year, but ladies...they are UGLY.

3) The other girl from Japan blew, she fell and then crashed into a wall. Again another member of the drunk Olympic squad.

4) They had a story about the girl from Turkey and Erik and I bawled our eyes out. I wish she had won.

-Onward. Here are my other Olympic highlights.

1) Chad Hedrick and Shani Davis, I would like to be proud of both of you...however instead I want to kick you both in the teeth. Get over yourselves and shut up. Stop fighting cause it's not Olypicish at all.

2) Lindsay Whoseit, I can't believe you thought it was a good idea to show off in the final moment of snowboard cross, you will pay for that the rest of your life. Until 2010. But I'm still going to push for my friend eddie to be in love with you over Sasha Cohen.

3) Ok...I have a startling annuncement. You will be jealous. Here it is...I don't think even my sisters know yet, so this will be a shocker to them as well...WE'RE GOING TO THE OLYPICS!!!!

I will be at the 2010 Olympics! More info to come!

Now, there is so much more to say about the Olympics, but I have limited time, so here is some other stuff I've been thinking about. ready? Go...

- Tony danza is a tool.

- Men, if you had to chose between Dolly Parton and Jolene, who would you chose? Jolene, Jolene, Jolene JOLENE has green eyes, red hair and irish skin....but Dolly has the knockers.

-Headbands should make a comeback.

-For all of you who used to watch Passions with me in college, I caught an episode this week and here was the line I loved most, "I know that you hate me, I raped you so it's understandable...but that doesn't excuse you constantly trying to kill my father."

- Spaghetti is good, but not every day.

-Yesterday would have been my dads 60th birthday. I hope he was in a canoe somewhere fishing.

- My discman hedaphones are busted, so if any of you were waiting to surprise me with a beautiful ipod, now's the time. Just leave it in the foyer like you did with the pink poodle cookies...oh...wait.

-Please find me a job.

-I saw Michael Bourne's Swan Lake on Tuesday and I cried my eyes out. I think I like dance better than theatre (cause there's not as much yapping) and it was so refreshing to see a modern take on an old story. If you get a chance this weekend, it's really stunning.

-For the rest of your life, no matter what...no one will ever do your laundry as well as your mother. She totally rejuvenated all my clothes. Way to go Mom!

-How often do you think about your middle name? How relevant is it to you in your life? Does it actually feel like part of your name or is it the same as when you say, "I know that celebrity" when really you just met them a couple times? Tell me all about it, I'm highly fascinated.

Ok you guys, I'm so sorry for the lack of blogs, please keep watching, I should be up and running again soon. My life is lacking internet, music, food that isn't spaghetti, a job and a lot else right now, but I'm on the up and the blog will be back in all it's glory in the next week or so.

Smooches!