I love my friends. They are amazing. All have them. I should get vegan fishball dumped more often. My friends have been sending texts and cupcakes...but this cheer up gift is my favorite. It's a song written for my by my talented friend Philip to the tune of the Nanny song from Mary Poppins.
Wanted: a boyfriend for one adorable Brooke Allen.
Wanted: a boyfriend for one adorable Brooke Allen.
If you'd like to be my boyfriend
Please be kind but don't be vegan.
Bring me surprises and breakfast in bed.
Be wise, not wed.
Never wear crocs or flax.
If you have a unibrow, please wax.
Don't live with your mom or brother.
Shut UP about your bi ex lover.
You must say please, you must be funny.
Must eat cheese and MUST eat honey.
Don't be mean when I say I don't drink.
Be clean. Don't stink.
Be confident but let me talk please
And try to have a bigger c*** please.
If you have a job and some ambition
If you're involved and not in prison.
I won't try to change the way you act or look.
I won't mock your p**** size when we break up.
Hurry boyfriend.
Never doubt
I'm waitin.
But get your shit worked out.
3 comments:
It's perfect. Except for that not making fun of his penis size, thing. What's the fun of NOT having a boyfriend if you can't make fun of their... ummm... shortcomings after they're gone? :)
Much love.
A.MAZE.ING.
I heart Philip. And Brooke. And Mary Poppins.
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