BAMJABC: Persuasion

I didn't know I was going to be this sad when the Brooke-And-Mom-Jane-Austen-Book-Club ended, but I really am. To commemorate our lovely time together I bought mom a really pretty bracelet with a quote from Pride & Prejudice on it, and this Jane Austen finger puppet.

As planned from the beginning, we wrapped up by having high tea at the Drake. It was lovely. We got all dressed up. I can sum up my mother for you in this next bit, my mom is 75% ballsy and hillarious, 25% soooooo embarassing. So as we ascended the steps to the tearoom and she commented rather loudly about the ladies in front of us, "Jeans? To tea? GIVE ME A BREAK!" I wasn't sure whether to laugh or blush, so I just did my usual combo. It's hard to judge mom for openly judging strangers when only seconds before in my head I'd whispered to myself, "Stupid trashy can tourists."

The tea was delightful. I had Vanilla Bean tea which was listed under the "Highly Caffeinated" section (I highly regretted it later). There was a three tiered tray of delicious goodies and I would like you to all know that as I placed my pinkies in the air and dabbed a bit of my scone into the lemon curd, the head waiter came rushing over and this is what ensued. (PS, this is one of those times for my mom where she must want to laugh at me and also be sooooo embarrassed).

WAITER: Ma'am! I just had to come over and tell you that you have EXCELLENT scone skills.
ME: Oh! Thank you!
WAITER: Truly, I was just the other day teaching my staff the art of handling a scone at tea and here you are doing it perfectly.
ME: Ah, yes...well...
WAITER: Some people slice the scone, or butter it all at once...but the way you are doing it is exactley right. Great job!

That's right, I was congratulated on my scone skills. SCONE SKILLS. I hope that my Dad was peeking down from the clouds to listen in on that one because he used to always get so embarrassed of our table etiquette when we were kids, mostly because I would butter both sides of the bread as Tate clanged his fork and knife into the table shouting "Food Food Food". (To be fair, this only happened once...but it happened at the Country Club. And what happens at the Country Club is emblazoned on the reputations of upper class white males for the rest of their lives.)

Right. So the final book was Persuasion. I loved it. It was pretty sexy and full of lovers and jealousies and violent injuries. Not just the quiet drawing room shenanigans of other Austen books. I mean, someone falls and gets a brain injury and Austen actually uses the word "Blood" which really threw me for a loop. Mom and I both liked this book a lot and had a lot to say about it. We love Anne Elliott and don't like to see her portrayed as a Fanny Price. This book has a darker side and a sadness to it, and the bad guys seem more villainous than usual, but that makes the totally expected ending a lot richer. The book is about a woman finding out that she can make up her own mind about things and regretting the ways in which her life would be different if she hadn't been so persuaded all the time by her friends and family. Not that I can relate to that at all. Not that this is exactly my life story right now. Not that I took an online quiz to determine which Jane Austen character I am and came up Anne Elliott right away. Sigh.

So, here is my final Jane Austen book summary.

Persuasion:

- Anne Elliott used to be young and pretty. Now she is, gasp, 27. Her younger annoying sister Mary is married, but her older beautiful sister Elizabeth who is 29 ($*&!!&*#^%!) is still holding out for a good enough guy. And by good I mean rich. Anne's dad is a d-bag who is all about appearances and wealth. The family has a friend named Lady Russell. I guess she is an ok person, she loves Anne, but she's also strung up on appearances and money.

- When Anne was younger she fell in love with Frederick Wentworth. He loved her very much. He proposed, her Dad and Lady Russell convinced Anne that Frederick wasn't good enough...she declined. Sadly.

- Now, years later, Anne's circle of friends has grown to include the Crofts. Mrs. Croft's brother is Frederick Wentworth...and he's comin' to town. He's a captain now. And he's rich rich rich. And he's supa sexy.

- Everytime Anne sees Frederick she can hardly breathe. She feels a mix of sadness and joy to be around him. He makes her melt but also makes her harden because she knows that she has to move on. Anne hears through the grapevine that Frederick finds her "quite altered". HARSH.

- Ready for some Austen family lines? This is what makes Austen a challenge...here we go...Admiral Croft's wife Sophie's brother Captain Wentworth begins to form an attachment with Anne's younger sister Mary's husband Charles' younger sister Louisa. Louisa is nice and young and pretty and the opposite of Anne in many ways.

- Louisa is always very headstrong. They talk about her headstrongness alot. So, it's kind of funny when she falls and literally breaks her head.

- Everyone has gone vacationing in Lyme, Anne helps take care of Louisa, Captain Wentworth admires Anne's nursing skills.

- Everyone travels around a lot, as in all Austen novels, we spend hundreds of pages tracking everyone from one carriage ride to the next. Then Anne goes to Bath to be with her mean sister Elizabeth, her jerky dad and her rude friend Lady Russell. A 27 year old woman couldn't just go get an apartment. Sad.

- In bath Anne meets her rich cousin Mr. Elliott who is the heir to her family's estate. Mr. Elliott has the same last name as Anne because, you see, they are cousins. He falls in love with her, but Anne ain't no Fanny Price and she steers clear. She is nearly persuaded by Lady Russell to marry him, but she doesn't let that pushy broad get her way this time.

- Captain Wentworth appears in Bath. What?! I thought for sure he would have gone back to Lyme to marry Louisa. No! Louisa has married another and he never liked her to begin with! Joy!

- Everyone goes to a concert. The sexual tension is rampant. Mr. Elliott is trying to propose to Anne, Captain Wentworth is so sad he starts to leave and Anne rushes after him, "Isn't the concert worth staying for?" "No, Anne, there is nothing here worth staying for." HARSH!

-Anne thinks maybe Wentworth is back in love with her. Get this slimy cousin offa me!

- A bunch of people are sitting together in the drawing room. Captain Wentworth is writing a letter to his friend. Anne is having a conversation about love and who suffers more in lost love, women or men. The party breaks up and Captain Wentworth leaves. He comes rushing back in saying that he forgot his scarf but leaves a note for Anne. He was writing to her all along!

-The note says "You Pierce My Soul."

- ...

- The note says "You Pierce My Soul."

- If I ever got a letter from someone saying "You pierce my soul" I would break down weeping and marry them on the spot. I'm pretty sure it's the most romantic thing anyone ever says in all of Austen litereature. I'm pretty sure it's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. I'm pretty sure that I'm still the most in love with Darcy from Pride and Prejudice because come on...he's Colin Firth, but when it came to this letter I definetely waivered. I get shivers when I read it. Will anyone ever say anthing even half that romantic to me in this lifetime? Mom and I both had to just stop talking at his point and stare at our (perfectly situated) scones.

- You Pierce My Soul.

- The note says a bunch of other things too about how he loves her and has always loved her and has tried not to love her but it didn't work. How he came back for her. But mostly is just says "You Pierce My Soul."

- Anne decides she's not all that crazy about Frederick and takes a boat to New York where she gets an apartment in the Bronx and a job at a factory. She makes a good life for herself but has to turn tricks now and then for extra cash. She gets knocked up and becomes a single mother. The child is born especially tiny and crippled and Anne can't take care of it so she sends it off to live in a boarding house. Just kidding, I just threw that in there because my stepdad suggested now that we are done with Austen we should start Dickens and I wanted to give him a taste of what that would be like. Not the best of times, stepdad, in fact, the worst of times.

- Anne takes off after Frederick, finds him on the street and glows like a young 18 year old instead of like a sallow haggy old 27 year old and they are so happy and they get married. Anne promises never to be persuaded by anyone ever again. The end.

I really like Anne in the same way I like Elizabeth. All Austen heroines eventually make up their own minds and exert their independance, oddly through marriage, but none moreso that Anne Elliott.

My order of preference goes like this:

Pride and Prejudice: Elizabeth Bennett and Darcy.
Persuasion: Anne Elliott and Captain Wentworth.
Sense and Sensibility: Elinor and Edward.
Emma: Emma Woodhouse and Mr. Knightly
Northanger Abbey: Catherine and...um...that guy Catherine marries.
(All other books by all other authors)
Mansfield Park: Fanny Price and HER FIRST COUSIN Edmund Betram.

Sigh. Goodbye BAMJABC, I will miss you.