Of Course...

It wouldn't have been enough would it, world? It wouldn't have been enough for me to just have to get up in front of 200 people at a legendary bar in Chicago and read my twelve year old me's diary? Why couldn't that have just been enough? Why does my life have to be one long continous comic strip?

Here's what happened. My mom bought me some new face soap cause I had some zitters. I used it for a few days and it was fine, until yesterday, at work...my face kinda started to burn. Long story short cause I have to get dressed, I HAD A CHEMICAL ALLERGIC BURN REACTION TO THE SOAP. So last night as my eyes swelled shut and large red crop circles appeared on my burning skin my mom and Trixie (yay she's in town) and I drove to the Walgreens where mom, being the rockstar she is, took the empty box the soap had come in, walked up to the pharmacist and demanded an explanation. "It's supposed to make your face kinda red" he said. "Nooo, I don't think you understand what's happening to my daughter's face right now..."

I stayed in the car.

Later mom gave me an antihistimine and put tea bags on my eyes saying that would stop the swelling. Only they were Raspberry Passion tea bags and they stung and dyed my eyes red.

None of this is a lie.

As I layed on the couch with globs of aloe all over my face holding ice cubes to my eyes mom pet my hair and smiled and said "At least your zits cleared up".....God love her.

So, this morning I awoke and was relieved to see that all the redness has faded and my face no longer feels like it is being overrun with stinging red ants...however...my eyes have both swolled almost completely shut. Remember pink eye '06? This is Shut Eye '07...and I have to go on stage tonight. I can't even open them all the way...I can't even really see out of my right eye and they are itchy. Talk about mortified.

Here I am, ready to entertain you with my wit. Ready to face 200 staring eyes. Sex on a stick.