Sweet 16!

This weekend Erik and I were sucked into the MTV marathon vortex that is, "My Super Sweet 16." This show is UN.BE.LIEV.ABLE. I watched with my mouth gaping the entire time. Have you seen this show? It follows rich teens around as they get ready for "the biggest night of their life", their 16th birthday. Now, let me tell you what, if my 16th birthday was the biggest night of my life...then stop this train and let me off.

First of all, when I was in high school no one cared about 16th birthdays. I remember around 13 going through the age of barmitzvahs which were like, rent a hall-hire a DJ badda boom badda bing you're done, but there were no sweet 16 parties. Here's why...
1) No one had that much money
2) People who did have that much money certainly wern't about to blow it on their kids birthday party.
3) If anyone had thrown themselves a sweet sixteen party...they would have been considered RAGING DORKS.

I was a teen in the mid nineties people, we were grungey...we wore scrunchies and overalls and combat boots and hung out in parks and parking lots and the girls snuck cigarettes behind this big old church while the boys practiced skateboarding. I don't thnk that I really remember any birthday party ever being thrown in high school that was planned and organized, with parents in attendance.

Now wait, I take that back...there was my friend Erin's 16th birthday, and she had color copied flyers as invites so that says a lot. I would love for the prouducers of MY SUPER SWEET 16 to have been at that fiasco...her mom was home, but somewhat oblivious, and we were all in her enormous back yard, which was somewhat wooded, scattered among the trees. No one wanted to go inside the house for fear her mom would smell the booze on us. Everyone got loaded, that was the infamous night of "Ka the Ka" which people joked about for the rest of high school. (It was a very deep and philosophical exploration, by me, of how similar vodka and Mt. Dew are...and when mixed together do you "Do the Dew" or "Ka the Ka"?...I wish I hadn't just told you that.) It was back in the day when not only dinking was cool, but proving how much you could drink in one night was cool, and then all the next week talking about how much you drank...are able to drink...usually drink etc was pretty damn cool. As oppossed to now where you really try to keep the amount of drinks you have per week pretty covered under wraps and getting wasted and makes you, "That girl". Anyway, everyone was drunk or high as a kite and then suddenly Erin's mom yells from the house, "Time to cut the cake" so we all go running over each other into the house and stand around her kitchen singing/slurring "Happy Birthday" while Erin herself looks ready to completely yarfle. Halfway through singing her mom screams out, "Ok! That's enough! I smell Marijuana!" to which everyone could have convinced her she was wrong if they hadn't all burst into laughter. That was Erin's super sweet 16.

My super sweet 16 I was in Chicago visiting my mom and Jim. Some of their friends came over...we made dinner. We opened presents on the back patio and I wore a plastic tiara and was allowed to drink lots of wine. (As if I ever wasn't allowed). Then we chatted, then the old people went home or to bed and my friend Chris who lived one house over climbed out her window and through the neighbors yard and over our fence and she and I hung out and drank some more and smoked cigarettes until her mom finally came out on her back porch and shouted, "Christina!" and she had to leave. My super sweet 16.

One family on this show spent $200,000 on the girls birthday, and that wasn't even including her new Mercedes Convertible. What?!?!?

What is funny about these 16 year olds is that they appeared to be sort of pinned in this very inbetween stage of adulthood and childhood as well as fantasy and reality...which of course led to some of the silliest looking parties ever. The girls all wanted to emulate Paris and Nicole and the Olsons, which scared me because I thought that young and old alike were in agreement that these girls are all tragic comedy fodder. The birthday girls wanted to be flown to vegas or Paris in a private jet in order to buy couture dresses...so sad. And more than one of them actually said, "I have a whole new respect for celebrities." When I was in high school the popular kids shopped at Abercrombie, Gap and Banana Republic, also at this weird little placed called Victor/Victoria where you could buy hippie dresses and bongs. Nowadays I think they are all shopping at higher end department stores...man, I'm starting to sound like my mother.

I tried to be understanding and remember how I was when I was 16, but you know what? Even then I had a much higher value in good times over good things. And I think that it's a slow process to get the idea in your head that you don't "need" any material thing really...although they are nice to have. Seperating Need from Want isn't something you are able to do until you are older, if ever, it's still a concept I havn't totally grasped since I find myself saying, "I NEED BROWN FLIP FLOPS" even though I'm pretty sure my life will keep on ticking without them.

Look, I'm all for a big kick ass party...and don't think for a second that I'm not throwing Brannen a super sweet 16 party of his own come October...but the price, and the arrogance, and lack of communication with reality is so astounding on this show that all I could do was laugh. I'm so grateful reality shows were not an issue when I was in high school and we could all just go about our sweet sixteen business ourselves in suburban backyards.

Being a teenager totally sucks...it's really annoying. I for one HATED it, hard. And I try to remember that when talking to teenagers I meet today. I tried to remember that in the play I wrote for teenagers (which by the by is now in full production! Hooray!) and when I talk to intelligent young people who have already begun to understand that there is a world outside of themselves I am generally enormously impressed. Teenagers are, really, just awesome younger adults with way better figures. I just hope that the kids on this show are the exception to reality.

But, you know, you should still watch this show for a good laugh.

Um...meanwhile, guess who is starting a new job tomorrow?