Ready? Ok!!

Everyone keeps talking about what an inspirational and moving story this is...and...I don't think it's as inspirational as it is, let's see...what's the word? Creepy?
Ok, a hero might get shot during a war and then go back in and save his men. Or maybe a hero is like that dog from hurricane Katrina that saved his old man owner from the flooded house and then the bus driver said, "No pets on the bus, only people" so the man decided to stay behind and die because "This dog is all I got now. My family is gone, my home is gone...he didn't leave me and I ain't gonna leave him." And then I burst into hysterical sobs, but then another hero, Nate Berkus from Oprah who was there filming and who lost his partner in the tsunami and who is incredibly fine even though I try not to lust over gay men, anyway then Nate Berkus runs to the man and quietly and intensely whispers a lot of things and hands him a slip of paper with his name and address on it and then takes the dog and yells, "Go! Go!" to which the man bursts into tears and gets on the bus and Nate Berkus takes the dog to his house and then finds the man in Baton Rouge a few weeks later and returns the dog to him. Oh my god...I just started crying again. That is heroic and inspirational.
But this chick is no Nate Berkus. And when interviewed today by Katie Couric and asked what was going through her mind she replied with, "I don't know...I heard the fight song and we are always supposed to start that cheer when we hear the fight song. I didn't want to distract anyone by not doing it." Hm.
Remember too, folks...this girl had just taken a swan dive onto her face, she probably wasn't in full logic mode. Her answer reminded me a little bit of this new commercial that scares the crap out of me...it's for some little thing that cleans your floor without you noticing and at the end of the commercial each character cheerfully and honestly says, "I love Robots." And the slogan is "I (heart) robots".
Well I for one do not heart robots, have we learned nothing from Hollywood? Remember, Hollywood is not as out of touch as George Clooney thinks we think it is. Hollywood and I seem to understand that robots will one day take over the world and kill us all...so why don't these people from the commercial?
What do you think would have happened to her if she had heard the fight song and not cheered? I'm afraid to find out.

NEXT YEARS TRY OUTS:
Coach: What are YOU doing here?
Chick: Um...trying out?
Coach: Oh really? Ha ha, I don't think so.
Chick: But, um, I was a national celebrity for five entire days last year...I fell off the pyramid...remember?
Coach: Yes, an embarassment! And I'm not looking for girls who fall, I'm looking for girls who know what they're doing!
(Fight song is heard faintly in the background and gets louder and louder. Chick and coach begin Fight Song cheer moves)
Chick: See, I know all the moves!
Coach: Too little too late missy! Where were these moves while you were being wheeled out of the gym last year huh? Go back to JV where you belong!
(Coach exits. Chick sits down and sobs yelling "Why me?" all while still cheering.)

I have learned an important lesson though, if I ever find myself falling from the top of a pyramid made of human beings (ooh la la) I will get my cheer on no matter what. Broken arms? Fine. There is no pyramid to high, no fall too frightening...in the words of a true human survivor Kirsten Dunst..."Bring it on".

Stretcher Smetcher, I wanna see this girl cheering during all of the following hardships and then I will reconsider her status as "important" in my mind...
1) Childbirth
2) Escaping a burning house
3) Stuck in a well
4) Walking in on her boyfriend in bed with another woman
5) Watching the movie Crash

Anyway, happy fifteen minutes Cheerleader from Carbondale. Hope you meet a celeb or two, don't let the door hit you on the way out. But if it does...you know what to do. "2, 4, 6, 8..."