Oscar Coverage: Post 2

This year at the Oscars, the dress controversy was much more subtle that last year. Last year, or "Splash-t year" was all about the mermaid dress...which is an obvious "No". This year the question all over websites and blogs across America and around the world is...gowns with pockets: Yay or Nay?

I've read both sides of the argument. The yaysayers think that the pockets are a nice replacement for the little glitzy handbags, the naysayers say "get a purse! It's too cas!" I say this...What exactley do you need to be carrying?

When I go out and I want to take the bare minimum with me and want to take a tiny purse here is what I take; Keys, money, ID, phone, lipstick and sometimes smokes in a little silver case with lighter. None of that is needed while walking the red carpet. Plus, what can you carry in your dress that isn't going to make it look bumpy?

Nothing. Plus, even if I just wanted to put a few mints in there or a tube of lipstick I would be endlessly afraid. Afraid that the lipstick would melt all over the dress or the mints would spill out or something tragic would happen.

Plus if you are famous...you have people to take care of all this. You don't need your phone because it's not like you can take a call during the awards, plus your assistant can take all your calls...plus...you are in a room with every celebrity on earth...the only person who might call is your nanny to say that your strangley named children are on fire...but who cares, you only had those brats to be photo-tracked during your pregnancies. So the phone is not important.

Business cards? Think how funny that would be, "Felicity Huffman, Nominee, 555-123-4567" It's their name and then "Superstar" underneath. Omg, celebrity business cards are making me lol.

So, no phones, no business cards, no mints, no lipstick. Can't be that the pockets are for smokes because who's lighting up on the red carpet? No one that's who.

So what is in those pockets?

I'll tell you what...hands.

Those pockets are just for hands. It's cold out there. No, no it's not cold at all, so the reason the pockets are there is just to rest your hands in them. And the reason to rest your hands in the pockets is to say, 'Look at me, I'm fashion forward! I'm wearing a dress with pockets in it!" What we end up with is a lot of celebrities and starlets looking like unfortunate victims of a beginner with photoshop. So I officialy vote: Nay.

However, it just dawned on me that these deep pockets may be of assistance come wedgie time. You could just walk down the red carpet smiling and winking and picking your butt all at once without anyone being the wiser. Also convenient for those pesky engagements, on again off again on again off again, you can slip the ring off to go meet George Clooney and then slip it back on again when you go to shake Carrot Tops hand. Not that Carrot Top would be at the Oscars, I just couldn't think of anyone uglier. Hey, if these pockets are helping women avoid Carrot Top...then I vote yay.

How do you vote? And also if you were a celebrity in a gown with pockets...what would you keep in there?

I would keep a lot of glitter and just throw it now and then and shout "I'm beautiful and famous!" And then as I grew older I would keep a botox needle in there and just jam myself in the thigh with it each time a fresh faced 20 year old celebrity crossed my path and said, "You are a legend". Then when I was really old I would keep gummi worms and Wheat Thins in there to eat during the Oscars, and on the red carpet I would throw those gummi worms in the air and shout, "Famous! Where's my dinner? Mustang!" and then I would lay down on the back of Zahara Jolie-Pitts designer dress train and be dragged in to the building. Cause if I'm gonna be old and famous you can be sure as hell I'm gonna be good and crazy too.