For instance, why aren't more people discussing the fact that last week we were almost hit by AN ASTEROID FROM OUTER SPACE? I mean, cause we were. An actual ASTEROID headed straight for California missed us by about 400 light years or something (some number that sounds huge but in reality is not at all huge...er...something, I don't know, ask a space nerd, I'm just trying to convey a point). It wasn't a little pebble either, it was the size of a skyscraper.
That's a big deal.
Why have people stopped talking about Prop 8 as much? This is also a big deal. I am of course all for equal marriage rights, mostly because I believe that my gay friends should have just as much right to be a 29 year old in panic mode about being single and living with a cat as my straight friends.
These are important issues.
There is no issue more important however, more startling and terrifying than what I am about to tell you.
Sit down.
Ready?
Shoulder pads are coming back into style.
...
In case you don't understand, let me explain...fashion is cyclical. Things fade away, then get made fun of, then get brought out only if being used for a Halloween costume, then fade away again, then reappear bigger than ever.
That time has come.
When I was young, it was all about emulating the 60's. We dressed like little suburban hippies (please, as if the original hippies wern't also from the burbs...we know your secret, Old People!) We listened to the music. We also hoped for the end of our own "war" in "Vietnam". Bell bottoms came back, in a big way. Big chunky jewelry came around again, long straight hair and enormous shoes. I remember my mom laughing at some of the fashion and thinking it was crazy that we wanted to dress the way she had once.
So I shouldn't be surprised, and haven't been really. I've been watching as the 80's have taken over, kids are familiar with the new oldies. "Music of yesterday" only goes as far back as the 80's now, everything else is ancient. I've seen leggin's and legwarmers (own 2 pairs, shhh) and bangles and the clothes and the hair and the make up all creeping back in, even the big ugly purses are a favorite of mine. (I always liked playing with my moms purses, they make a satisifying little click sound when you open and close them) but there are certain fashion fads that I will not tolerate.
1. Shoulder pads
2. Stretch pants with the loop around the foot
3. Pegged jeans
4. Scrunchies
5. Fur coats
Why do we want to dress like boxes? There is no reason to be the shape of a square. It makes no sense. Unless your last name is Sugarbaker.
Ladies, please join me in burning your shoulder pads in protest. Please boycott shoulder pads. Please email PETA and tell them shoulder pads are made out of sea-kittens so those people will join in our fight. Please email models and tell then that shoulder pads are made out of sandwiches so they will instinctively resist them. Do whatever you can do...but please, let's keep the expression "Chicago, city of big shoulders" a little less literal shall we?
Are the shoulder pads to protect my shoulders from something? Those rogue Cirque Du Soleil performers who might suddenly jump on and start creating a human pyramid? I mean what? What could they possibly be for?
"SHOULDER PADS? HUNH! WHAT ARE THEY GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!"
Shoulder pads are the Wasabi Peas of fashion. Let's keep them in history where they belong. A wise person once told me, "If you wore it the first time around, you're too old to wear it the second time around".
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