Milk

I went with thirteen other people to see the movie Milk tonight. I didn't think that I would have much of a connection to the film, I figured that it would be interesting and profound and moving...but as a straight woman I didn't anticipate that I would be seeing a story about my life or history. But I was wrong. 

Women, there was a time when we were "the weaker sex". When we were supposed to "know our place". There was a time when we could not vote, much less run for president. We were second class citizens. We had to fight to be looked at as equal, we had to prove that we were worthy of the same rights as men. We are still fighting for equal pay, against stereotypes, for control over our bodies. As a woman who is able to vote, work, and express myself thanks to those who fought for my rights how could I not be supportive or feel connected to a community of people fighting the same fight?

I come from a non-traditional family, if "traditional" means one man and one woman making biological babies. But no one accuses us of being sinners. What makes one non-traditional family acceptable and another not? How can the world ever evolve if we don't break tradition?

If I never get married and I want children, it is not legal in some states for me to adopt as a single parent. Because it's not traditional. Will my lack of a husband make me an unfit parent? If that's true, then what are we saying about the thousands of single parents whose spouses have died or run off? What are we saying about the women who bore children through unplanned pregnancies and decided to raise their child on their own? That they are unfit? Isn't it somewhat alarming that pro-life people want single women to bear and raise children on their own while also saying that single adopting women are unfit? (For those unfamiliar, banning unmarried couples from adopting also means single people can't adopt.)

In the arguments against gay marriage I hear people say, "What next? Pedophiles marrying children? Bestiality becoming legal? Necrophiliacs?" It's absurd, those are not cases of two consenting adults making a decision about thieir futures. How can that really be an argument?

In the slander I hear against the gay community people accuse gay men of being child molesters. Sadly, I know many women who have been the victim of sexual assault or molestation...I don't believe any of their perpetrators were gay men. 

I hear people say, "Do what you want in the privacy of your own homes." But I want my gay friends to do what they want in public. Because what they want is to raise their children, and go to work, and flirt, and have a drink and hold hands and go on a date without being judged or questioned. 

When I went to this movie tonight I thought about some of my best friends. I thought about what they want in their lives and what they are doing to be happy. These friends are decent people. They all have jobs and talent and humor. They all love me very much for who I am, they have all been with me through rough patches and easy patches and bad outfits and bad boyfriends. They celebrated with me and grieved with me and they are interested in being a part of my life. Why wouldn't I make sure that was being reciprocated? Why would I ask that of them without wanting to return it?

If you are a white American straight man from a traditional nuclear biological family...hopefully you are open minded or will consider becoming more open minded. But, if you are ANYONE else...consider how your life would be different if people hadn't fought for you and if "tradition" hadn't evolved throughout history. 

As the credits of the movie rolled people in the audience, without saying much, squeezed each others hands or hugged the person sitting next to them and just cried, including me. Because regardless of gender, race or orientation...how could anyone possibly not feel deeply connected to the story of fighting hard for what you believe in?