Just in Case...

As most of you know, Derek and I are gong skydiving on Friday. We wanted to be really prepared, so we made a skydiving mixed cd, and we also wrote our wills in case there is a chute malfunction. I know it's hard, but please make sure these final wishes are carried out...just in case.

DEREK
I, Derek John Czaplewski, being of sound and disposing mind and memory and not being actuated by any duress, menace, fraud, mistake, or undue influence, do make, publish, and declare this to be my last Will, hereby expressly revoking all Wills and Codicils previously made by me.

I appoint Brooke Allen as Executor of this my Last Will and Testament. My Executor shall be authorized to carry out all provisions of this Will and pay my just debts, obligations and funeral expenses.

Unless of course, her ‘chute doesn’t open either.

All my funds, after funeral party costs are covered, should be divided equally between two parties. 50% will go to Hell In A Handbag Productions. The remaining 50% will go to Bradley University’s Theatre Department, under the stipulation that they produce the following season of shows as a memorial…Into The Woods; All My Sons; The Pirates of Penzance; Blithe Spirit; and The Drowsy Chaperone.

I hereby do bequeath the following possessions to the individuals named:

All my Buffy/Angel/Firefly DVDs, Books, Comics, Toys, and all other Joss Whedon-related paraphernalia shall go to Mike Miller. (Even though he has them all already…he will make sure they’re given to an equally worthy Joss fan.)

All my other TV-on-DVD sets shall go to Brooke Allen. (Brigitte Ditmars should get them if the previously mentioned ‘chute mishap happens to happen to Brooke.)

All my cast recordings shall go to Michael D. Bowen.

My James Bond Ultimate Collector’s Set on DVD shall go to Stephen Raider.

All plays/musicals/books shall go to Jackson Edward Epperson.

All my photographs and my name shall go to my nephew/niece, Derek Cueto, who will be born in or around September of 2008. (A girl named Derek…it totally works!)

All other property not named/claimed should be donated to the Brown Elephant Resale Shops/Howard Brown Health Center.

As for my funeral party…please make sure that all attendees do indeed, put the “fun” back in funeral. All catering should be approved by Brigitte Ditmars. Especially the desserts. And there should be some really good guacamole too. You will find multiple funeral playlists on my Mac to be played at said party.

One final request; please bury me with my iPod…just in case.


Brooke
I, Brooke "Adventure" Allen, being of sound and disposing mind and memory and not being actuated by any duress, menace, fraud, mistake, or undue influence, do make, publish, and declare this to be my last Will, hereby expressly revoking all Wills and Codicils previously made by me.

My most prized possession and darling little fat kitty, Lucy shall be sent via ground transportation to South Carolina to live with Brannen - whom she always loved just a little more than me anyway. She is to eat huge bowls of Iams and fresh room temperature water. She likes scratches on her head and to be called "Pinky".

All my good jewelry goes to mom. Eventually this jewelry should be given to the twin girls that my brother and sister in law will eventually have. Those twins also get all my American Girl crap from when I was a kid which is in a trunk at moms. There's a lot of it, so good thing Tracy is going to (eventually) have twin girls.

Mom gets the rest of my clothes and jewelry and girly stuff to divide among my girly friends Brigitte, Kristen, Sarah, Angie, Cody, Trista, Fifi and Jodi. Except my silver heels, give those to David Cerda.

My couch, chair and ottoman should be returned to the alley. The drawers and desk should be returned to Mom. The kitchen table and chairs should be returned to Brannen and my bed should be returned to Josh. And, after rereading that, if I make it, does anyone want to go furniture shopping with me sometime?

All bird things go to my stepmom in Vegas, cause she gets the bird thing.

Brigitte gets both of my cookbooks, both of my pots, and everything else in my kitchen. Including that hanging basket thing that is supposed to hold fruit but has my tea instead. Brigitte also gets my tea.

Kristen gets my TV and my DVD player, which is really Derek's DVD player but if I go he's going with me, so she gets it. Kristen also gets to transfer my Netflix and magazine subscriptions over to her name. Kristen gets my DVD's SPECIFICALLY my special edition Dirty Dancing. She also gets my core ball and my McDonalds workout video. Kristen gets my whole living room ok? Just, anything that's in there, she gets it.

Books all go to Jeremy and the Loris's to divide up. Sorry Jeremy, they are all books with pages, not batteries. Except Mom gets all the Jane Austen books and Make sure my brother Craigen gets my Atlas. And give a couple of the easier to read books to my brother Tate.

All Lush products go to my sister Morgan.

Julie and Neal get my dad ball.

Jennifer is to rent an igo car, go to Lil Street, make sure my pots get fired properly, glaze my pots, then take my pots and keep them forever.

My mom gets my computer which she is to take all of my plays off of and have published and produced at the Goodman in a tribute to me and my work called "Brooke Allen, A Memorial Celebration to a Genius Flattened Like a Pancake". Then she needs to give the computer to Bryant who gets all my Sim houses.

Philip gets my blog. I will leave the password and information in my jewelry box.

My jar of quarters is to be divided between Not Waiting Productions, Hell in a Handbag Productions, The Cradle and The NLN. Unless it's needed to help pay my debts.

Oh my God, I'm 28...don't I have anything else to leave behind? Well, whatever's left divide or donate.

As for me, cremated...then divide and donate. But, um, don't spread me in the ocean cause I don't want my ashes to be eaten by weird little trilobites and little animals that haven't even been disconvered yet. Spread me in all the the places I wanted to go and never did - Mom knows.

Derek, if you make it and I don't I leave you a lifetime supply of guilt for talking me into doing this with you, and also my broken chicken timer. You will also be in charge of funding and managing the "Brooke Allen Foundation" which provides education, housing, resources and unlimited cupcakes to aspiring Chicago playwrights. You also have to go to Popeyes and get some Chicken in my honor.

Wish us Luck!