Oh United States Post Office, I hate you so.
Oh beautiful lit up tree near the Kristkindlemart in Daly Plaza, I love you so.
Oh black slushy snow that seeps into my shoes and stains my pant hems, how I loathe you.
Oh “Seasons Greetings” cookie cake in my fridge, how I adore you.
Oh tourists walking…and then suddenly stopping…and then walking (into oncoming traffic) and then all of a sudden stopping again, how I want so much to punch you.
Oh Christmas presents from my stepmom and sister, how I could just hug you!
Oh Christmas shopping, how you loom in my future like a dark sinister enemy.
Oh peppermint brownies that Brigitte made how you brighten the grayest days.
Oh “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” and “Dominick the Donkey” Christmas carols how I want to scratch every cd that contains even a note of your annoying music.
Oh all the other Christmas songs that are great how I love to listen to you.
Oh cartoon of “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” that is on, it seems, every night, how much I detest you.
Oh “Rudolph” and “Christmas Story” and “It’s a Wonderful Life” how I want to squeeze your little faces with joy.
Oh Egg Nog, how confusing and strange you are.
Oh Hot Chocolate, how comforting and yummy you are.
Oh little tiny Christmas tree that is decorated so cute in my house, that I couldn’t get at the first Walgreens cause the sloth behind the counter was too lazy to move her butt downstairs where they stored them, how you light up my life with your little decorations like that white bird I got totally on sale at Target in Milwaukee. Glowing so beautifully with your extra short strand of Christmas lights that took me four tries at winding around you, complete with a few f-bombs thrown in until I got you just right, how I love looking at you.
Oh Christmas, what a wonderful joyful beautiful pain in the ass you are.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment