A Housewife's Christmas

I received a Housewife's Christmas this year, though I am neither a wife nor do I own a house. I think it was my moms way of quietly saying, "Here honey...this is why you aren't married." To be fair I actually asked for the tea kettle, and the vacuum was a welcome surprise. I think my mom was inspired by the conversation we had after I borrowed her vacuum last month that went like this:

ME: Whoa...the floor is a lot cleaner when you vacuum.
MOM: Oh, Brooke.

Which was similar to the conversation we had a few weeks before that:

ME: Did you know that your head stays warmer outside when you wear a hat?
MOM: Oh, Brooke.

I made Santas nice list this year. Here's the loot:

- From my Stepmom and Sister in Vegas: a bird box. They sent me a bird box for my birthday as well. I'm really into birds these days. For my birthday they sent me the movie "The Birds" which cracked me up along with other bird like things. This time I got a bird hoodie covered in bird stickers, a bird stocking that is beautiful, a birds and bees plate which harkens back to the bee boxes I used to get when I was obsessed with bees, and a bunch of other non-bird things that were great. Including striped toe socks that rule.

-From my B-parents in Seattle: A super cozy down comforter. My mom is giving me her old flannel duvet cover so once I get that all set up I'm planning to crawl into bed and hibernate through the rest of winter.

-Grandparents: Bracelet, China Box, Music Box, Perfume.

-Sister in NY: She is supporting a chimp in Africa in my name. (The support is in my name, not the Chimp). It was the best present ever.

-Parents: I mean, Santa

• tea kettle
• vacuum
• electric toothbrush which I keep accidentally calling "Remote Control Toothbrush"
• Titus Andronicus Angel
• gift cards
• foot balm made by prisoners
• a notebook made out of elephant poo
• a Georg Jensen elephant key chain (mom and I LOOOOVE Georg Jensen, so did her mom, it's a family thing...not so sure what's up with the elephant theme this year but I'll take it.)
• pink boots
• "The Almost Moon" by Alice Sebold. In the first chapter the main character kills her mother, so it was nice Christmas reading.
• "The Dramatists Sourcebook" 2008
• blue beaded bracelet
• jammies (the best ones ever)
• earrings and necklace from stepdad
  

I tried to give Lucy a nice Christmas this year and she was not having it. First she hated the Christmas tree when I assembled it (er, I mean, chopped it down and stuck it in water.) Then she hated the picture of the Chimp that my sister gave me. Lucy tore it off the fridge and puked on it. Then I gave her presents and she turned her nose up at all of them. Finally last night I got her to play with her cat nip mice that look like real dead mice and keep scaring the crap out of me everytime I see them lying on the floor. I also got her to like her new bed, which she should since it's totally good. She's still not sold on the pink collar with the bell on it though. Damn cat. When she was being fussy about everything my mom suggested that maybe the problem isn't the presents, maybe it's that she's Jewish and I'm making her celebrate Christmas. Yes, Mom...that IS a good point. So next year maybe we will try Hannukah and see if we have better luck.

Yeah, there was a night where I was alone in my apartment watching Christmas movies and wrapping presents for my cat. And my mom thinks not having a vacuum is the reason I'm not married?

Hope your holidays were shiny and bright!